Monday, December 13, 2010

alexia saving time.

 [Oh, I didn't mention it here, huh? I took my curry sauce to the Bronx for Thanksgiving. They sat in the back of my mother's car till it was time for me to force my teenage girl cousin to chop the herbs...and finally I added the yellow magic to tofu. Was a hit!]


Recently, a few people in real life have told me I seem unfocused.
I feel it in my bones, but I didn't realize how true it was until I heard it from others.
A boy, who I met recently, told me that when he met me he was "intimidated" because I looked uninterested and seemed to be daydreaming.

I believe that personality is one thing. But bad habits are another. I'm trying to piece together where one begins and the other ends.

I've accepted that I'm really emotionally sensitive and that's why I need creative outlets and order to live a balanced life. Routine makes me feel really happy and keeps me feeling safe and sane.

This has to alot to do with my eating--and especially the weight I've gained in the past three months. Somehow along my way of life, I've lost touch with productivity and prioritizing. Whole days pass without me completing anything meaningful. It's been "I'll start the paper in a couple hours." Or, "I'll eat as much as I want now and tomorrow I'll start fresh."

But a couple hours become a couple days.
And starting fresh has been pushed back days, weeks.


I know how to be productive. I have a planner. Two, actually. I could also mention: my numerous post-it pads, little moleskin notepads, highlighters, journals--and know that I'm not by any means a "clean freak," but everything under my bed and in my life has a place. I know what my organizational tools are, but it's a challenge getting to the place where I myself am organized so I'm not feeling off balanced. [This feel like deja vu--have I written it on my blog before?]

The other thing about me is that I'm very one eyed when it comes my interests. Excitement is one thing, but I've found that I'm a bit prone to obsession. So if my current interest is blogging or Chipotle, IT'S BLOGGING. OR CHIPOTLE. Forget studying for Astronomy! Blah.

I know.

See why I don't want a weight-loss blog?

Yes?

I'd think about weight-loss too much.

Also, I get distracted easily. I got distracted from writing this post maybe 049230 times. For foolishness.

Now, I'm biting my nails.
Thinking about chocolate.
Just checked my facebook.
Then my blog's facebook fan page.
Back to biting my nails.

Oh, hello!

Aiiiii.

This is a hard post to write because I can't really put my internal life into words. We're too complicated for that. All I know is that the very problems I have with the 'p words'--productivity, procrastination, and prioritize--are reflected in all aspects of my life, i.e. weight-loss and how I eat.

Just from understanding myself, I created some tools for mindful living:

  • Time Management: I can't manage time, but I CAN MANAGE ME. I can be mindful about my time.
  • Multitasking doesn’t work for me. I can't keep lying to myself. To those of you who can eat or listen to your iPod while you work...I am jealous. I kid I kid, but seriously!
  • Being honest and kind to myself.
  • Motivations are great, but aren't always helpful because who always feel motivated? I believe in...
  • Perspective: putting everything in perspective. I believe that my mindful choices will add up.
  • Distractions: Take 'em all up, put 'em in a jar, keep close jar closed till the appropriate time. This can be applied to facebook...or Chinese takeout.
  • Planning: You know, I've heard "Fail to plan, plan to fail." And it's so so true. I've found that really really specific goals work best for me.
  • Prioritize: otherwise we'd never get anything meaningful done.
True story: I'm grateful to have my health and my mind. That's why it's so important for me to be mindful about how I treat my body and spend my time. About the boy who felt "intimidated"?  I daydream--it's nothing personal.

Lovelovelove.

-A-

P.S.
[Something else about Thanksgiving? We drank lots of Ting! Hello, Jamaican-Non-alcoholic
-Carbonated-GrapefruitGOODNESS!]

5 comments:

Anne H said...

Very true and insightful post...
Planning. Sticking to it.
Actions. Consequences.
For me, that's why I blog.
It keeps the weight-loss thing
right in the center....
Right where I don't want it to be.
But right where it needs to be - for now.
Maybe like "training wheels?"
[Cuz balancing weight-loss and real-life is not easy,actually!]
Another way to mindfully appreciate our health and our minds!

Hope your week is going well!

Miz said...

ok wow.
this phrase: PERSONALITY IS ONE THING BAD HABITS ARE ANOTHER.

leaped out at me.

I must need to ruminate on it.

thank you.

TJ said...

gimme a sip of that grapefruit soda! :)

arielcircleofnine said...

You never fail to impress me because of the way you analyze yourself, even when its not easy, or its difficult to understand. You pick yourself apart and point out where you want to improve. THATS impressive in itself!

Candace Best said...

I wish they had like buttons on blogspot like facebook . . .

[clicked Like]

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