Thursday, January 6, 2011

"LIVE" food.

Today I was late for my midday spin class, so instead I spent an hour on the elliptical and burned 600 calories. Lemme say…worst hour of my life for 2011. But it hurt so good! After I sat in McDonald’s contemplating my existence while I tried their fruit smoothie for the first time.


Banana Strawberry.
Good stuff!

My eating has been in much better control lately. I feel safe around food. I think what’s helped is that I haven’t any money to spend carelessly on food—semester bill coming up!—and because after all the calories I ate last semester—enough for 2 people on many many days—I’m afraid to get back to that point.  Last night at the gym, I couldn’t help looking in the mirrors that are conveniently and inconveniently all over the place. I couldn’t believe I’d let myself get back to this point—my breasts alone are enough proof of my weight gain. They are taking over my body!! Right now, as I type I have to remind myself to sit up because they’re pulling me down. I believe I’m back to DDD.  Actually, I’m certain of it, because my old bras—the ones I put away when I got down to DD last year—fit. It’s easy to be upset with myself, but what’s that gonna solve? As I looked in the mirror, I had to remind myself to make peace with the decisions I made.  So instead I tried to focus on the present, which was last night’s Ultimate Conditioning class with my gym friend, Sarah. That class is the devil…i.e. high rep weights, too many squats, planks, etc. I was in exercise hell. And what’s worse is that the instructor is so lovely and personable so she’s off smiling sweetly while I was in squat agony. What a great class!  Can’t wait for next week!

So…about the OA meeting: It certainly wasn’t what I anticipated. I expected it to be rigid and since I was running ten minutes late, I thought it would be an issue for me to walk in late. It certainly wasn’t because people were sprinkling in even forty-five minutes into the hour-long meeting. The meeting reminded me of a club meeting. I guesstimate there were about thirty of us present. There were a few people around my age to people quite a few years older. There were both men and woman, and varying professional, racial, etc. backgrounds. It was strange for me to put faces to people with issues with food because they look…normal. I don’t know why I expected them to look anything but normal.  When I left the meeting, two blocks over, I saw a young woman from the meeting walking towards me and I marveled at how normal she looked, how none of us would know she struggled if she never said a word. 

In yesterday’s meeting, there was a lot of sharing. Everyone started with, “Hi, I’m XXXX. And I’m a food addict/compulsive overeater/binge eater/recovering anorexic/recovering bulimic.” I remember one of the people–-a 70 year old man–-was sharing that he’s been coming to OA meetings for 33 years now. He started in 1978 when he was desperate for help with his eating.  Other people shared their struggles, what they’re grateful for, etc. The word “spiritual” and the word “God” was used A LOT. It seems that OA has a spiritual component.

I really really liked the whole experience. I felt so hopeful hearing people whose personal narratives are so tied up in food abuse. It made me feel like I'm not alone. 

It was asked if anyone is new so I raised my hand and said, “Hi, I'm Alexia.” I now realize that I was probably suppose to state my food issue, too. The other thing is that when anyone says, “Hi, I’m XXX,” everyone responds with “Hi, XXX.” I find it hilarious.

After the meeting finished, I left and headed to the bathroom. A woman from the meeting remembered my name (!!) and mentioned something about having to attend six meetings to become a member. I have so many questions, and quite a lot to learn about OA. I feel a bit overwhelmed. I’m going to do a bit of research over the weekend and I will share my findings. But here’s the site if you want to take a look-see.

In other news, tonight my friend Catherine took me to this restaurant for dinner. I love when anyone takes me to any restaurant for dinner. Especially if they bring me flowers. Future boyfriend if you are reading this: sunflowers, please. 

But about the restaurant: We went to Caravan of Dreams and lemme say I’ve never eaten such healthy food at a restaurant ever. Caravan of Dreams is well known in the New York organic vegan restaurant world. This is what I ordered, it’s hard to see, but the portion is tiny and the food is laid out all fancy.


This dish is Indian, there is curry and mushrooms and it's listed on the menu as “LIVE,” which means it was cooked under a certain temp to maintain…it’s rawness? I’m assuming since the restaurant is big on raw, too. But, really, I haven’t a clue. The food was good though, just oh so healthy :)  So so tired right now, goodnight to you and you and you. What a long day!

-A-

6 comments:

MizFit said...

so much in your post Oh Snatcher and yet the shot sentence I FEEL SAFE AROUND FOOD speaks volumes and made me smile and sigh.

In a happy way.


Miz.

Jill said...

alexia,what a great post. glad to hear about oa, yeah all those anonymous groups have a pretty big god overtone, i am sure the group was a lot but it took a tone of courage just to go and i look forward to see where you take this in the future.
i totally agree about vegan, raw food restaurants. there was a few where i went to college and afterward i was always, did i eat yet?

Yum Yucky said...

It's really interesting hear about your OA meetings. Keep sharing! But I'm really, really sorry for the child whose parents named him XXXX.

Melissa said...

What a great post, loved hearing about OA! :)

Nona said...

Haven't been blogging much lately, but it's nice to visit and see that you've been keeping up. I went to my first OA meeting on the upper East Side in New York many moons ago ... well it was actually Greysheet OA which was as strict as hell but exactly what I needed at the time. Hope it works for you.

Caravan of Dreams sounds heavenly. Yum, yum!!!

Best Wishes for 2011!!!

Coley said...

Alright - I'm gonna check out a meeting again, you've inspired me!
And that restaurant sounds deelish! I wanna tryyy

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