Monday, April 18, 2011

self forgiveness.

My mind forgets to remind me to forgive myself sometimes.

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Especially recently since I’m 23 now, and I really don’t want to spend my twenties unhappily fat, unhappily eating too much. 

Forgiveness because of the weight I regained last semester--and because I’ve mostly lost and regained the same pounds since the year began. I give myself a hard time about it all. It seems like such a waste of my precious twenties. And my weight and eating too much is directly proportionate to my mood. Lately I haven't been wanting to hang out with friends, and I'm especially anxious about group social settings. Last night my mother nonchalantly said my mood lately is like Vex Kitty's!!

Honestly, I don't like thinking or talking about those 40 pounds--and I suppose that’s why I was a bit hesitant about sharing my number last Wednesday.

Still, I know I'm going to end this year at a number I'm proud at. I just can't allow myself not to.

Can you give me some words of advice for self forgiveness? I think it's easier for me to forgive others. Have you ever regained weight? How did you ever make peace with yourself?

Thanks so much for reading! lovelovelove.

-A-

9 comments:

safire said...

I learn from my mistakes/patterns and try to improve and move forward. It is hard to find self-forgiveness but I think the most important thing I've learned on this journey is loving myself flaws and all.

I know I have the potential to gain weight in the future (old age, pregnancy, being a mom) but I feel empowered knowing I know how to get it off.

Have a great week!

arielcircleofnine said...

I have regained weight, maybe close to your gain and keep in mind Im 5ft tall so, yeah. The guilt was a huge part of things for me and kept me stuck for a long time. I finally realized that feeling guilty was only hurting me and only I am in control of losing/gaining/maintaining. It took me a good 6 months to get my mojo back, and I tried another approach (low carb rather than low cal/low fat)when I felt ready. You know what you need to do and have just proven to yourself what happens when you DONT right? I learned my lesson! HUGS to you, because I know just how you feel. But you can get that top-of-the-world feeling back, and it comes back pretty quickly after you start up again!

Lisa said...

You have such a way with words!

I don't know exactly how to forgive...but if you can focus on loving yourself and becoming empowered, I think the forgiveness will come as a side effect! Making a list of all the amazing things about yourself and spending time cherishing your body can do wonders for perspective :)

I look forward to following your journey of positive self-love and improvements!

Candace Better said...

This answer may be too religious-y but whatev, it's my truth. I'm Christian and I always remind myself that if God can forgive me, who am I to get in the middle and decide Not to? My problem is remembering that truth but when I do, because I believe in it so much, my self-unforgiveness fades away :)
Maybe you aren't forgiving yourself because somewhere deep down you don't believe you deserve it. You need to change That belief. You need to Know that you DO deserve your own forgiveness (because you're awesome and smart and gorg and funny - and these are things that I've picked up about you via the internets. imagine how more awesome you are in person! - and human, we all do stuff we didn't plan on doing)and then maybe it'll become easier to dust yourself off and try again. What is the harm in forgiving yourself?
(this is like a run on comment, lol, I hope it makes sense :)

Candy kankles said...

HUG! I hope you find the forgiveness you need in your heart.Its in there just hang on.

Thirteenlbs said...

Honey...what a question.

I started with buying myself things, because for years I'd promised myself I'd buy stuff "when I got back down to my normal weight." I had been wearing the same sorry clothes forever, and didn't feel lovely in anything.

Next, I keep in mind that this (weight loss) is one of the only things I've not been able to master. I look at allllll of the things I HAVE done. And while I realize that this tally doesn't define who I am, it helps me not to put myself in the "bad girl" box.

And finally...I am trying so hard to do things differently this go round-- to look at my feelings, to try a different exercise, to incorporate new foods, to NOT push through pain. And this time, I am fully able to say that I messed up and need a do over. Often.

Thanks for this blog.

He Took MY Last Name said...

I think a lot of us beat ourselves up. After all, it's only too easy. The best advice I heard though about it was in a WW article (ironically) and it said to treat yourself like your best friend. If your best friend was feeling down about how she looked/felt, would you tell her all the things wrong about her? "Yeah, you should feel down about yourself, you're starting to get a double chin." No one would say that. So why do you say it to yourself?

You would tell your friend about all the wonderful qualities they possess and why you love being her friend. You would say "hey, if you're feeling a little down, let's go for a walk!" you would do what you could to cheer her up. And that's how you should approach yourself too. If you are feeling sad/fat/angry/gluttonous/repulsive/etc pretend it's your best friend telling you that is how she feels. And then think of all the good things/ways to fix it. And then do it.

Honestly- we only have ourselves. Might as well be happy, eh? :)

Alexia @ Dimple Snatcher said...

You all have such precious things to say to me! I really appreciate it! Thanks so much :)

paulawannacracker said...

Alexia, wish I would have read this post earlier. I kinda know alot about forgiveness. At least I hope I do. I've learned that there is no failure only experiences. Experiences in which we learn. Remember, it's about self-discovery and figuring out what works best for us. It's not a "one size fits all" kinda thing. Weight loss is personal. Hug yourself friend and move on.

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