Saturday, December 11, 2010

thoughts this week.

Right now?

I'm sitting in Starbucks. Hel-lo!

How is errybody? It's been too long since I blogged. Honestly, this week I was thinking internally instead. You see, many of us started this year with high weight-loss expectations. In fact, according to my iCal I should weigh somewhere around 132 pounds--and if that was indeed the reality, I would have lost weight at a healthy rate.

So this week, I've been doing lots of thinking about my weight-loss expectations for this year. How did I do?

I lost.
I gained.
I relost.
I regained.
I lost again.
I regained. Everything. Maybe. I need to weigh myself.

I just know that I feel uncomfortable because it's hard to carry so much additional weight. When I realized I had regained a considerable amount of weight, I was ashamed to share it here. And I was angry at myself. I still feel a little of both those things, but now I'm more interested in creating healthier habits and getting to my ideal weight eventually. It's sort of sad, but I've realized that this isn't a hurry. This year I've learnt all about putting pressure on myself to lose x amount of weight in y amount of time, which only stressed me out, causing me to overeat and gain weight. That's how it went. My biggest focus was my goal weight, not working on my issues with disordered eating. Sadly. I believe that's why I kept regaining the weight.

I don't want to put unfair stress on my body.
I don't want to deprive myself.
I want my focus to be healthy, balanced living.

Who wants to constantly think about weight-loss?
Weighing himself or herself first thing every morning?
Who wants what they weigh to determine the tone for their entire day?
Not me.
Not me.
Not me.

I'm thinking about my next move(s)...will share tomorrow!



Nicole said...

I think all of us who have been here for a while realize that there is no way to know where we will be a year from now (for sure me!). But the best thing is, we both have definitely grown and learned in amazing ways. And that's what is so great about life, right?

Thanks for your sweet comment. I hope you got my invitation for my other blog. Let me know if you didn't.

:Deliciously Healthy said...

I totally hear what you're saying. Can't wait to hear about your next move!

Miss Erika said...

I feel like I'm in the same place. But if we hadn't had this year to learn, make mistakes, and realize what's truly important to us, then we'd be in the exact same position we were a year ago. We've grown, and the upcoming year is a fresh chance to start again, without shame or anger.

Yum Yucky said...

Ohhh. this brings back lots of thoughts for me. Back when goal weight was my biggest concern - not health, not strength, not the right foods - only how to get there fast. And fast meant weighing several times per day, counting calories in a obsessive fashion, and on and on.

But after really diving into our fitness community, everything changed for me. It was all about living healthy and understanding that it's a lifestyle that will be lifelong. I'm in my happy place now and from what you've blogged here, you're onto something big! go girl!

Mary :: A Merry Life said...

Sounds like the thoughts inside my own head.

Candace Best said...

good post!

Jheanell @ SOUL + FOOD said...

I am on this same boat with you girl. But the biggest lesson I've learned this year is not to be hard on myself if I realized I've gained because that triggers me to start eating even more to make myself feel better...which only lasts for like five minutes...and then I feel guilty about thing you know, another 5 - 10 lbs before you know it.

We can only do our best each day - afterall, we are only humans. All we can do is take what we learned this year and learn.

...keep going - trust me, WE will get there!

PS: I'm glad you like the new blog :)

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