Missed the first installment? It's here: I believe fat steals my beauty.
Yesterday, I wrote that things are going much better for me food-wise. I think for a number of reasons:
- OA (It's my therapy--I plan to do an extended post on how the holistic, especially the spiritual component, really appeals to me.)
- My workbooks: here + here.
- Committing to tracking here.
- And simply, I don't want to be fat anymore. I'm done with it. It's inconvenient. My boobs ballooned back to their original size (I'd thankfully gone down a size last spring) when I regained forty pounds last semester and my back and posture can't take it.
This week I was reading in my workbook that one of the tools I have to become familiar with for recovery--i.e. to become a more mindful eater--is to eat with more awareness. Which for me means craving out the time to eat and only eat, to take the time to savor whatever I'm eating, and to eat foods and portion sizes that leave me feeling good about myself.
It's good to feel hungry! Is there anything health-related (or otherwise) you're believing about yourself recently? Do share :) Alright, gotta go! Ten page research paper based on this: "Slavery is terrible for men; but it is far more terrible for women. Superadded to the burden common to all, they have wrongs, and sufferings, and mortifications peculiarly their own" from Incidents in the Life of a Slave Girl by Harriet Jacobs. I neeeed a thesis...HIYA! Love, me.
-A-
7 comments:
Wow, I love this post. I went back and read the first post too.
I totally relate to how you feel about weight issues.
I am also working on not eating until I feel real hunger pangs.
And I agree, it is not really an issue of a number on the scale - but how you feel in your body at a particular weight.
I've noticed that I do better when I already know what I'm going to eat. Then I pre-track, and commit to that particular meal plan for a day. I've also had to have a talk with myself and explain that I will not die if I don't eat right this minute. It's not an emergency. Hunger pangs are fine -- they pass. As long as I see I'm eating enough, my body's just going to have to adapt.
I'm learning right along with you. It IS good to feel hungry. I wonder sometimes if my being raised by someone who stood in bread-lines during the Great Depression helped to create my own fear of going hungry. There's true starvation and then there's the signal your body gives you when it's time to eat. I don't know why the second sparks such a fear of the first in me - but it's time I learned to listen and react from a place other than fear!
I am a crazy night time eater, but have learned to calm down my eating. Not to mention The Food That Fits book seriously changed my life. i no longer eat at night and I use to hardly eat during the day and come 9 start pounding food. It's nothing like that now. Best of luck girly. If you ever need anyone to talk to I am always here. I weighed 160/170 when i started college in 2004 when I graduated in 2008 I was down to 105 and now i`m up but working back down.
xo
Id love to read the paper you're writing based on that quote!!! and Im glad you're doing better in regard to getting in touch with your hunger/eating. I too believe fat steals my beauty and Im so over it! xo
Good post, as per your usual!
I have very serious and almost harsh sounding
ideas about my overeating.
Like how it is a form of slavery.
Why can't we walk by a cake without being all over it....
Or thinking about it all day...
Or if it were sex instead of food, we would all be in jail
for not being able to keep our muffin top in our pants!
Hey - that sounds like a good title for a blog post!
You are adorable Alexia.... So glad you're attending the OA meetings. I merely "talk about it". I've been trying to get used to feeling hungry. I'm very much like you... being hungry always feels like such an emergency....
BTW---Anne H makes a good point.
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