Friday, March 11, 2011

fake turkey.

Hi, I’m Alexia. I’m a food addict and a Compulsive Overeater.

I don’t know when I’ll be able to say it out loud or if I’ll ever want to or need to: that’s what I was thinking last night at my OA meeting. It was my first time back in a long, long time…since late January I believe. It felt like going back home, especially since I’ve been doing so much self-abuse with food lately.  My scale up and down...down and up—I can almost hear her sighing.

Last night was my first time going to a meeting at the Realization Center, a treatment center for addiction close to where I work. My OA meeting was held in a tiny room with maybe twenty people of varying ages. An imaginary mike got passed from person to person and a woman who I hadn’t noticed in back started to share: She was tiny and older, late seventies or early eighties maybe, and she said that she doesn’t have an eating disorder, but that no other program seems to fit her needs because she can’t make herself eat in the daytime, only nights and only foods that hurt her, since her husband passed away the year before and how incredibly lonely she feels and not knowing what to do about it. Two women start to cry.  Other people continue to share and I leave before it gets to my turn because I'm not ready to share in a meeting yet, especially since everyone always says their name and their food issue before they speak and I'm not ready to yet.

Here’s breakfast:

For the time being, I've decided to start blogging my daily food and fitness to keep myself honest and considerate of my decisions and because I worry I might start eating human beings, too. 

My fake turkey (have you tried tofurky? It’s my first time. Saw it at TJ’s and HADTOHAVE), and a hidden fried egg on an english muffin.

Fake turkey is delicious!

Time flies so fast! I was hoping to make some mango tea, but ALAS. Gotta head to class. Be back later.


Wednesday, March 9, 2011

hCG (hormone) diet.

Sometimes it surprises me the things we do because we don't like ourselves.

Yesterday while I was in Starbucks, I glanced at the stack of NY Times for sale and stopped to read because a heading caught my attention.

Diet Plan With Hormone Has Fans and Skeptics

It was immediately disturbing to me that women could take hCG, a pregnancy hormone, and eat 500 calories a day because they believe that the hormones will help them to lose weight in the right places (i.e. stomach, thighs, etc.)

Dr. Blyer, a New York doctor, who prescribes the hormone to patients explained how it works to the Times reporter,  “[The hormone] tricks your body into a state of pregnancy; it burns off fat so the fetus can get enough calories, but it protects muscle.”

Doctors like Dr. Blyer are confidant the hormone works, however the FDA and other medical professional aren’t convinced and say that no research points to weight-loss results. And then there is the matter of whether the hCG diet “mimics anorexia.”

Here is the article. If you can, the comments are worth reading, too.

Here are the top rated ones:

E from VA wrote, “So let me get this straight. A cosmetic surgeon and an orthodontist are promoting a diet plan involving off-the-label medications, extreme calorie restrictions, and no apparent attempts to teach the patients about nutrition.
From the article it's not clear if any nutritionists, dietitians, endocrinologists, or bariatric surgeons are on board, but my guess is they are not.
This plan cannot fail. Where do I sign up?”

Sara from Cambridge, MA wrote, “The quote at the end of the article hits the nail on the head - what does this "diet" teach us about long-term healthy weight-maintenance?
Americans are so obsessed with quick fixes and bandaid solutions (e.g. I have to lose 20 pounds by April to be a bridesmaid! How quickly can I do that?) that we've neglected addressing the underlying issues of weight gain. We will settle for hormone injections, forgetting that, even if the injections did work (I'm guessing they don't), that they are not a sustainable solution, nor a healthy one. When is it finally going to occur to everyone that the only way to get to a healthy weight and stay that way is by eating a well-rounded, balanced diet and exercising on a regular basis? Oh and as a side note, at the height of her disease, my anorexic sister was eating 400-500 calories a day. This diet doesn't mimic anorexia, it IS anorexia. Just because a supposed health professional deemed it ok, doesn't mean it's an appropriate way to lose weight.”

NancyMD from Kingston, RI wrote, "For several weeks in the early 1970s I was on this program of hCG injections and strict diet. Who wouldn't lose weight on an apple and two bread sticks a day? Once, after noticing too late that the syringe contained air bubbles and persuading myself that I was about to suffer an embolism, I panicked. The diet guru being unavailable, I phoned my G.P., interrupting a dinner party. Forty years later I can still recall her exasperation and contempt. She was right of course."

RossaForbes wrote, "Both my husband and I went on the diet and yes, it works. Of course anybody eating 500 calories a day will lose weight, but the trick here is to not feel hungry and that's what the hormone does. My husband and I went skiing on 500 calories a day. We couldn't have done that without the HCG, which we took under the tongue, by the way. You don't have to inject. I was desperate to lose the 16 pounds that I had put on from using an antidepressant. It is a well known fact that certain antidepressants cause what is called metabolic weight gain. I weaned myself off the antidepressant, but the weight wouldn't budge. Neither exercise nor a conventional diet would do it. Dr. Simeons wrote a highly entertaining book called Pounds and Inches that explains the principles behind the diet. To make a long story short I lost the weight in a matter of three weeks. I have not had to diet since."

What do y’all think?

I am always interested in hearing other voices because I think of healing as a village thing.

Since late December I have struggled to lose weight—not because it’s hard or anything (ALTHOUGH it is hard) but because of my disease and how it’s a lose--gain situation every week. I feel like I'm reliving the same experiences. It’s depressing and every time I’ve regained from compulsive overeating, I consider a drastic and disordered eating plan (i.e. fasting, cleansing, eating very very little, etc.) I can do to take the weight off, even something just temporarily, anything to reach one of my little goals.

So I guess it’s my own experiences why I’m wary of any diet that signals eating disorder/disordered eating--BEEP BEEP BEEPING--to me.


Tuesday, March 8, 2011

all about juli.

Since I write so much about my Julieta, I thought I would tell you more about her.

An introduction of sorts…yes?

Julieta is half Colombian/half Spainish/100% huggable. She is the middle of two sisters, loves to use the word “dysfunctional,” and also goes by “Juliette” since apparently that’s what’s on her Spainish passport because she’s a citizen there, too.

Five things she loves?
  • Laughing loudly, even a tadohmygoshthatgirlisloud peopleturnaroundtosee in church. Ohhh. It’s Julieta.
  • Jesus.
  • Calling Christopher Echeverry, only boy I ever seriouslyish saw for a hot minute, an “asshole.” 
  • Spending too much time psychoanalyzing people with me.
  • Talking about and to her parents A LOT. Apparently, it’s a Hispanic thing because I don’t call either of my parents twenty times a day…each.  I mean, Julieta’s very independent, but still dependent on her parents. It’s weird…I remember recently I asked her if she was coming to church and she said she didn’t feel like it so she would call her mother to see. “How odd,” I remember thinking. My own mother, even though she says I ask her too many questions, would love if I asked her if I could go someplace!

So there ya go…an introduction to Julieta. I suppose this can also be a thank you to her for obsessively compulsively coming by my blog resulting in, say, 85% of my site hits.


P.S. – Dear Greek boy, who was in ‘Classics of Feminist Theory’ before you (and Julieta) dropped the class because of the crazy professor and I have to stay because I need the class graduate this semester…my friend, Julieta, thinks you’re hot and asks about you since I always see in the halls and she always wants to know exactly what you say in the little conversations we have, as my general summaries aren’t vivid enough…So.  In case you come across my little space on the web, I think I have a girlfriend for you :)

P.PS. Please don't sure me for pulling your facebook photos, Julieta!

Monday, March 7, 2011

run alexia run.

Sometimes people tell me things and I'm not sure to listen.

Like recently when Sarah, my gym friend, told me that the two hot spin teachers are dating...each other!

I half wondered if she was meaning to keep them for herself.


Or this morning when Julieta said we should run for the bus.

Come again?

[Let’s backtrack a little…minutes earlier I'd just barely wiped the crust from my eyes and Julieta had demanded asked, "Do you want some deodorant? Here's some deodorant!"

Was too tired to be offended if the incident did call for it, as I was too excited about us sharing deodorant. Obviously, now, we're going to be each other's bridesmaids, not that we have boyfriends or fianc├ęs or anything.]

Now, back to Julieta's running idea…


Somehow my legs started moving....maybe it's because I didn't want to be late since Julieta lives only 30 minutes from Hunter and usually my commute is an hour from home! My professor is super strict on tardiness...and really I had no excusable reason (mostly to comfort myself) to be late.

Off we went, her in front, me trailing behind alternating between keeping my loose jeans up, and switching the two heavy bags since I'd spent the night over her place slaving over a paper.

The couple blocks to the next stop were the longest blocks...Oh gosh, were they long!

Soon we stopped running...well, I likely stopped first and we started power walking.

I was out of breath, my ankle hurt, I didn't want anyone to see the crack that is my buttocks...

The bus stayed at the next stop for longer than I expected, but it left before we got to it! Gah!

And I was in pain. I'm not use to running as Julieta is, and honestly I do not appreciate being out of breath as some people seem to. I find it most inconvenient. Realize that I do push myself at the gym, but my goal is a moderate level of discomfort so that I still challenge myself.

So then Julieta said that we gotta catch the bus at the very next stop! It's the last stop till it crosses the park to the east side and she said that the bus always dawdles at that stop for awhile. So we are at it!

It was a blur as most painful things are, but I vaguely recall Julieta running across the street, heavy breathing, getting close enough to the bus to see that a couple people are boarding it. Meanwhile Julieta has run ahead and I have to start running to make sure I don't miss it!

Lemme say, it was uncomfortable...heart palpitations...’is this what a heart attack feels like?’ I half wondered.

You best believe I have counted those five minutes as today's workout :)


Sunday, March 6, 2011

the ABCs of me.

I've seen this done on other blogs and wanted to join in on the fun!


A. Age: 23 this month!

B. Bed size: Twin. Fits me perfectly, except when Vex Kitty decides to spread himself out and I gotta accommodate him.
C. Chore you hate: Cleaning the bathroom!

D. Dogs: Not yet. But I'm a little wary of keeping a dog in this country because in Jamaica while we loved our dogs, they were our pets. I find that many people treat their dogs better than they'd treat me or other human beings in this country, so the pet culture leaves me a little unsettled in many ways.

E. Essential start to your day: Sighing over the state of my skin.
F. Favorite color: I just love color, so I can't pick just one!

G. Gold or silver: Gold, 'cause it compliments brown skin I think.

H. Height: 5.5

I. Instruments you play: I've been taught to play the piano, violin, guitar...and was equally terrible at all three.


J. Job title: PT Babysitter.

K. Kids: Vex Kitty and Suave Kitty. I'm a single mother.

L. Live: In Brooklyn, New York. I use to live in Jamaica.

M.  Mom's name: Veronica.

N. Nicknames: Lexi, Dimple.
O. Overnight hospital stays: A couple years ago, I had a three day hospital stay for severe anemia.

P. Pet peeve: People who vomit out their personal business/People who don't practice subway courtesy/Pervert men/All of the men my friends and I have seen!

Q. Quote from a movie: Have you seen the Kiera Knightly "Pride and Prejudice"? I love when Mr. Darcy says, "You have bewitched me, body and soul, and I love, I love, I love you." It is so romantic and beautiful and sincere and in my dreams someday a man will love me like that. Here's a bad clip I just found. 

R. Right or left handed: Right.

S. Siblings: I'm in the middle. I have an older sister (25) and a younger brother (19)

T. Time you wake up: Oh gosh, whenever my eyes open up. Fortunately and strangely, it's been kinda early (7 a.m. ish) as of late.

U. Underwear: Always.

V. Vegetables you dislike: I love vegetables, but there are a few I don't love. Like b-sprouts as I tried 'em for the first time recently and was not impressed.

W. What makes you run late: Who knows?! I reckon it's poor time management.

X. X-Rays you’ve had: Does a whachamacalit (sonogram?) of my lady parts count? They we looking for fibroids, which thankfully they did not find.

Y. Yummy food you make: I made delicious macaroni pie recently. I love to cook!

Z. Zoo – favorite animal: Cows are beautiful. So are giraffes and chickens. But I find these freaky!


Friday, March 4, 2011

happy weekending!

 I'm backkk.

Where did I go?

Maybe the same place Jan and Feb went...

because I haven't any idea where those two went so quickly.

Perhaps maybe they're hiding to kiss someplace where we can't see 'em...


Be back tomorrow...


P.S. Vex Kitty has a facebook now. My mother was upset and called it favoritism that only  Suave Kitty has had one for awhile now, and she wants her two children to be treated fairly. So.